diary of a bad month
it’s been a bad month for me, as those who know me dearly enough would testify.
the month of may concluded with my pretty decent results (damn the forgetting to s/u though), a new tuition kid and quite a lot of hope, love life wise. i was happy, i really did think so.
then along came june. of course, the fractured finger has to take the cake, and is poised to leave an indelible and permanent legacy. whatever it was with her, fizzled out. then came the horrible flu which i got from visiting NUH for my finger. put me out for a week. also, spoilt my earphones, but thankfully the nice people at apple replaced it for me without raising an eyebrow at my ridiculous circumstances. then came the tonsilitis. bahhh.
perhaps also, this would also be the month i’ve come to lose much faith in a fair number of things. but they say, every cloud has a silver lining. and while i am not totally sure and may never be, i could just have found mine. i don’t quite know.
just in case though, i should wrap myself in bubble wrap. literally and figuratively. for the few weeks ahead.
from pain from pleasure from pain
kneel! and submit myself to thy wishes,
i beat, flog and torture my remains.
with every bite into my flesh began
unto my lacerated soul in vain.
for there may never be serene journey,
across the cross road to stumble to rest.
and what joy could one unearth?
in cadaverous pain they deigned to arrest.
but alas, for i am no man of faith,
and feckless, ineffectual, is my pain.
throngs kneel for an imagined rejoinder,
when i eschew relics, pain and candles.
my torch’s flame remains unpretentious,
its riveted gaze draws no answers.
just steadfast, silent luminosity
and the firm comeliness of a dancer’s.
the dancer’s grace burns bright like my candle,
and the dancer’s grace burns me.
the flame devours consciousness and pride,
like the college priests decree.
as i vacillate between pains to aches,
this affliction is an addiction.
no benediction, no conviction.
dereliction, without salvation.
i yearn once more for my faithless heydays,
to this deranged predicament, i laugh.
pain accompanies no liberation,
still my candle’s apparition, i’d love.
cane me, and crush my amorous piety,
wake me, and let me realise my folly.
this adulation, this delirious zeal,
this unhinged idolatry burns and heals.
he really said that
on MM lee:
“During Lee Kuan Yew’s triumphant visit to Malaysia he made it known to the Malaysian supplicants that Singapore regards the lands within 6000 miles radius of Singapore as its hinterland. This includes Beijing and Tokyo and of course Malaysia… Of course this self-deluding perception places Singapore at the centre of a vast region. It is therefore the latter day Middle Kingdom. The rest are peripheral and are there to serve the interest of this somewhat tiny Middle Kingdom… I have a lot more to say about this little Emperor but I will reserve it for later. “
on malaysia’s own PM:
“The great 5th Prime Minister has decided that since the people of Johore did not want to sell sand to Singapore, Malaysia would not build any bridge, straight or crooked, or negotiate and settle the other issues like the Central Provident Fund, the Railway land. Maybe the 5th Prime Minister thinks he is punishing Singapore. Actually he is giving Singapore what its wants including the 3 sen per 1000 gallons water until 2061. Think of how many grains of nasi lemak we can buy with 3 sen in 2061. Imagine what 1000 gallons will earn for Singapore at that time. Can’t think of a more astute PM for Malaysia.”
lol
- from the blog of dr mahathir mohamed.
when tom cruise cries it’s all a lie
i close my eyes. i like not what i see. still images of broken old street lights and rustic shophouses. quiet roads. bridge. noodles. calm seas. troubled waters.
but i can barely open my eyes. i am in pain. let me stay in bed. and then i wished for the world to drop in. i would serve them chang beer and other cheap liquor everyone could get wasted on my lil queen, absorbed in whatever troubles them.
and then there was one. as it has always been.
can’t mess with fate
jeezuz. chills.
——————
An Italian woman who arrived late for the Air France plane flight that crashed in the Atlantic last week has been killed in a car accident.
Johanna Ganthaler, a pensioner from Bolzano-Bozen province, had been on holiday in Brazil with her husband Kurt and missed Air France Flight 447 after turning up late at Rio de Janeiro airport on May 31.’
It said that Ms Ganthaler died when their car veered across a road in Kufstein, Austria, and swerved into an oncoming truck. Her husband was seriously injured.
not a close shave
A man who tore the wig off a telegenic Taiwan legislator last year was sentenced to five months in jail for depriving the MP of his freedom to look good, a court spokesman said Tuesday.
The Taipei District Court sentenced Huang Yung-tien, 50, to jail for snatching the toupee off the head of ruling Nationalist Party lawmaker Chiu Yi. Chiu has become a household name for his media-friendly offensives against the political opposition.
“The judge thought Chiu Yi had the freedom to wear what he wanted, and Chiu felt the wig made him look prettier,” court spokesman Huang Chin-ming said. “The judge thinks that to remove it intentionally was to take away that right.”
grazed knees
i’m trying not to stare, it’s too late
the blankets over there, if you like
i’m broken and I’m colder than hell
i should’ve said I’d not come back here
your breakfast will get cold
i really have to go
it’s easier to lie and be safe
time and time again I’m half stalled
one giant leap of faith is easy
when everyone you ask is so sure
just give a second thought
what if we don’t get caught
stick or twist
whichever way this goes, i know i’ve been irreversibly altered.
everytime i see you falling
i feel fine and i feel good,
i feel like i never should
quizzical
as if trying to drum into my stubborn little head that i was this cursed one who in this little period of time at least shall not be granted any grace or mercy or breaks in luck, june started on the worst possible note. lost a wallet, found it back. but then i’ve also managed to lose one side of earphone. yet to go scream at the apple store.
then as the cherry on the icing on the cake, i’ve contrived to get my ring finger fractured. in all the solitude, as i was devoured alive by mosquitos, i heard her voice. but with its going, a small part of me died inside. with my ring finger. now there’s no way i can say, i didn’t see it coming.
should have seen it coming when the roses died
should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
should have listened when you said good night
you really meant good bye
baby, aint it funny, how you never ever learn to fall
you’re really on your knees, when you think you’re standing tall
but only fools are know-it-alls and i played that fool for youi cried and i cried
there were nights that i died for you baby
i tried and i tried to deny that your love drove me crazy, babyif the love that i got for you is gone
if the river i cried ain’t that long
then i’m wrong, yeah i’m wrong, this ain’t a love song
it’s beginning to get to me
i can either choose to remain silent, or scream under my breath.
