from pain from pleasure from pain
kneel! and submit myself to thy wishes,
i beat, flog and torture my remains.
with every bite into my flesh began
unto my lacerated soul in vain.
for there may never be serene journey,
across the cross road to stumble to rest.
and what joy could one unearth?
in cadaverous pain they deigned to arrest.
but alas, for i am no man of faith,
and feckless, ineffectual, is my pain.
throngs kneel for an imagined rejoinder,
when i eschew relics, pain and candles.
my torch’s flame remains unpretentious,
its riveted gaze draws no answers.
just steadfast, silent luminosity
and the firm comeliness of a dancer’s.
the dancer’s grace burns bright like my candle,
and the dancer’s grace burns me.
the flame devours consciousness and pride,
like the college priests decree.
as i vacillate between pains to aches,
this affliction is an addiction.
no benediction, no conviction.
dereliction, without salvation.
i yearn once more for my faithless heydays,
to this deranged predicament, i laugh.
pain accompanies no liberation,
still my candle’s apparition, i’d love.
cane me, and crush my amorous piety,
wake me, and let me realise my folly.
this adulation, this delirious zeal,
this unhinged idolatry burns and heals.
