blueballs

the Russian winter night

‘twas a cruel Russian winter night
on the notorious streets of Leningrad.
Carcasses and corpses, some breathe with life,
they smudge the boulevards so fair.

blood, spilled, sprinkled like stardust
on a canvas white as snow.
the quiet of artillery fire
cuts through the cruel Russian woe.

alexei and elizabeth stay huddled close,
two emaciated bodies warm and welcome.
he utters a cruel Russian lie
to this lady pure and dear.

T34s mow through crowds,
moan, groan and curse the sky.
some see their feet get cold or rot
some others watch their mothers die.

hidden in a spot of warmth,
in the cruel Russian winter night
was it the freezing air or the thin hay?
or their hasty breath so joined?
they melt into each other arms,
warmth succeeds the world cold and dry.
but to get this lady dear,
he uttered this cruel Russian lie.

the lady dear lay
atop our Russian hero,
loved and tainted,
a passion in flames below subzero.
he stops her, rolls over,
as cool as ice, this Russian lie.
our lady in tears as a few shots ring,
shiny metals lodged in his hapless spine.

a cruel loveless Russian boy,
and his cruel Russian lie.
our lady naked again, and cold,
in the Russian winter night.

unhinging

all is peaceful now but i still ring my fingers in a sort of irrational fear and trepidation.

.

i never thought i’d be back here, counting the many times i’ve tried to type something and then fail abjectly.

oh how much would this love be worth?

crossroads

for a post that is the first in a long while, i sincerely apologise for the rather trashy title. (which as the post turns out, does not make any sense at all but i shall keep it anyway)

and as if to continue the pretensions of grandiose, i would also like to say sorry to my hordes of adoring fans who make it a point to visit my blog as regularly as a religious litany.

all that aside, doesn’t it stink of me just trying to fill this space? all because well, i had declared to girlfriend my resolution to post something tonight.

this is a personal blog yes. and very frankly i’ve grown pretty tired and busy to maintain it at levels which i used to. and there have been numerous occasions where the conundrum of “why do people even bother?” come to mind.

it could be because of an exhibitionist streak, an innate human desire and want to demonstrate value. by having people bother to read your blog and comment about, say, how funny the guy you mentioned in this-and-this post was or how unlucky you are to hurt your gums while brushing your teeth in the morning while you’re still tired cause you went to a boring party last night and then go on to wet your favourite pyjamas while washing your face, blogging could very well fulfill this need.

or it could be a call for attention. “oh maggie you sound so sad on your blog, are you okay?” familiar?

i am pretty sure blogging did not start like these though. the first blogs were possibly political in nature, carrying serious messages although still remaining individual and personal. the well-written ones generated more hits, gained cult status and this whole blogging thing came to people’s attentions. then you have blogs which, while not as serious, are rather more informative than the colour of the underwear you wore yesterday. like technology and sports and the like.

okay and then there is me. my blog is generally trash. it has nothing anybody who does not know me would want to read. it is cryptic and does not make sense half the time. and thus it acts as a vent. when i feel down i vomit it all out over here, generally avoiding much detail at all. if people ask and i feel like telling then i could pour my heart out about what’s up. if not i dismiss it as imaginative writing. and there was much of this in the not-too-distant past.

but as of now, i am generally pretty happy with my life. my long and protracted prison sentence is coming to an end soon, it’s been unforgettable, in as bad a sense of the word as you can think of. i have also had the good luck of having settled upon my university studies, some money in tow too, and an interesting and stable if not totally exhilarating career thereafter. a passion in certain investments is starting to pay off as well. and last but not least (no, i couldn’t resist another cliche) i still have girlfriend. (yes folks, it is still the same one as it’s been for some time now.)

which is why i really don’t blog as often now. :)

———————————————————

oh yes i’ve fulfilled my resolution by blogging about blogging, and explained myself to my adoring faithful why i don’t blog as often these days. how very clever yes?

heads and shoulders and knees and toes.

for the one who kicked me in the arse just slightly less than one year ago, this is a big smile and a finger in your general direction that screams “i’m back!” and i truly believe that this time, it’d finally be good enough.

for the one who began kicking me in the arse about one and a half years ago, this is a big smile and a finger in your general direction that screams “i’m off!” and i scamper away only to have the gigantic arms and fingers of mister establishment going in his most metallic and megatron-like voice “not so soon, bastard.”

and for the one who charged through the doors of my life suddenly and without knocking about six months ago, this is a big smile and ten fingers plus embracing arms in your general direction to envelope you in a big big virtual hug. i love you and i thank my stars everyday that despite the strangest conditions everything has worked out. it’s not perfect but it’s as close as it gets.

i just had the best sold-in-normal-stores sliced bread. (read: the name obviously excludes bread not sold at supermarkets / mama shops eg. breadtalk)

distance ; brick and mortar

any distance, is a distance too far. for i am only whole when there lays not an inch between us. much less to say, for the distance actually far enough to be rendered as more than simply perceivable.

———————–

like a butterfly that cannot wait to break free of his oppression, within cloisters so dim and dull, i look forward to the coming days.

———————–

baby please come back soon. we need each other.

.

a stitch in time, has saved me more than nine. the golden thread weaves around magically, and it is such that it would go on and on, material aplenty. rough brushes held by magic fingers may not always hit the spot, but no matter, for when the big picture emerges it will come right, surreal and picturesque.

he’s back

the well-travelled hermit shifts from place to place but never really gets anywhere. and all around, are people who talk a whole lot but do not say anything. grandiose posturing. fakes and transience and meaninglessness brushed with broad strokes of the same grey.

but then, as close to fairy tales as they come, it seems like he’s gone to a better place.

i believe

religion can be loosely defined as a system of beliefs that one adheres to, usually surrounding an intangible yet omnipotent object, person, passion or ideal. it is the belief in something which may or may not be real, and usually involves a huge leap of faith. a leap of faith, in turn, usually involves putting aside fears, expectations, and pre-existing beliefs.

beliefs in something akin to the intensity of ‘religion’ would, i believe, be the antithesis of sound logic and reason. a debate between a staunch atheist and someone religious may end up as a trench war of cold hard facts that round to a solid case, against a more “feeling” one which few can claim to have the moral high ground or even any establishment of fact to condemn religion and its arguments as pure fallacy. who is to judge?

but hey, papa don’t breach. and so wouldn’t i.

baby, if you are looking for reasons, look no further. countless people have barked up that tree, few satisfied. i’ve mentioned countless times how we are so amazing, how we stand up and say “f*ck all” in the face of convention. how everything fell into place so perfectly that it couldn’t have been coincidence, neither could it be explained by logic. since it is all so hard to define, why try?

together, we can see with our hearts, not with the eyes. belief in this crazy little thing called love means that we seek not logic and reason, buzzwords for those who don’t believe enough.

take my hand, take this leap of faith with me. to a place where the signboards are few, and we may sometimes lose our way. but i will be there with you every step of the way. there’ll be no one who can say we are only daydreaming. and i will follow you into the dark.

online marketing scam (not!)

people out there, i can personally vouch for this. it works! of course, as with anything that actually will work, it does not promise millions or a secret system that will make you tens of thousands of dollars of passive income monthly doing nothing. it is, also, not a replacement for your job. in fact it’s just in the range of like $20-$60 a month if you do it properly, or maybe near a $100 if you do it really well. but hey, who’s ever complained of extra money?

click this:

bad day

i have a sore throat and a horrid migraine. manyoo won, and chelsea failed to match that. i’m dog-tired, the aircon’s not working totally well and the chips i had bought sucked.

and perhaps worst of all my ladaye’s approximately 6076km away.

it’s when you know, it’s not such a good day.

roar.

yes, you may hate me (us?). but anyway do enjoy yourself now, if somehow all this fills a perverse need or void that you may have. and i’ll get back at you. it’s a promise.

the phantom

couldn’t have been any other way could it? phantom of the opera was abso-fcuking-lutely amazing.

you alone can make my soul take flight. :)

whoops, sorry.

i refer to the tag from “madflanker” as a basis for this post.

i apologise to various readers who have at some point in my time read this blog. i’d go so far as to suggest ‘regulars’, but okay maybe not really cause after all who wants to read about the life of a boring army guy?

nevertheless, i would imagine that perfection and this calm bliss can be a hell lot more boring than the cynical musings.

but cynical ed’s not coming back for a good while yet. or so i’d like to believe.

with those shoes of ours we can go anywhere together.

letter to love; note to self.

and i oftentimes think, could i be forgiven for thinking that everything’s so perfect? it is, for an eternal pessimist, such a great great leap. but with every passing day, the good ones and even the not so good ones too, i get a tiny bit more confident that i may, for once, be right.

and it is with each random scene playing in my head now, of us somewhere sometime laughing out loud together, or just sitting quietly with our hands interlocked, that i know for sure i would struggle with much futility to find anything like this.

and i would only pray that when the chips are down, we would rise above it as we deserve to do.

and it’s nights like these i truly realise how much i need you.

and so, please forgive me baby, for being the irritating twat i can be at times. i know i say i don’t mean it, but even so i confess it should not be excused. there’s room only for two of us, and yeah my ego will have to stay outside.

iloveyou. :)

the great swede

oh yeah, as we walk down the aisles at ikea it is generally agreed that most of the stuff there are gorgeous, and there isn’t anything much that we would agree to be disagreeable to the senses. even food, food from a furniture store, is pretty much pleasing. we meander along the aimless corridors hand in hand, pointing at tables, curtains, lights, bathroom fittings and everything else, gushing much over some and not so much over others, sitting on a few sofas and generally being very merry, aside from the few occasions where we lose each other through losing ourselves with the furniture. but we always find each other eventually, and so the few moments of freedom is fine. all these, while we envisage a small future house but then can’t seem to make up our silly minds due to us wanting to buy every single thing, albeit the ones on sale more than the ones that are not.

but it is thus we come to an agreement, whereby you’ll pick the colour schemes and me, well i’ll just do the assembling.

Hello there stranger,

And I promise, when everywhere else is cold, unwelcoming and show little or no promises of happiness, when friendly faces are few and rare, when waking up in the morning seems harder and harder and the world just becomes so jaded…

I’ll save you a seat next to me, just the two of us.

- guest post by anonymous

and so..

“..at last she looked up at him. her eyes were full of tears, and her look unbearably naked. such looks we have all once or twice in our lives received and shared; they are those in which worlds melt, pasts dissolve, moments when we know, in the resolution of profoundest need, that the rock of ages can never be anything else but love, here, now, in these two hands’ joining, in this blind silence in which one head comes to rest beneath the other; and which Charles, after a compressed eternity, breaks, though the question is more breathed than spoken..”

(chapter 60, ‘the french lieutenant’s woman’, john fowles)

beautiful.

quote-unquote

him: yeah we’ll buy the tent.
her: yay! our first house!

how wonderfully perfect. :)

——————————————————————-

someone please constantly remind me, that i want to write a mini-essay on the mechanics of the power struggle between man and itself, and nature. but i just ain’t got any time. and also, on my previous seven hundred attempts to do it, my intellectual capacity just wasn’t up to scratch. i AM becoming stupidddddd.

——————————————————————-

24 days, to 200 days, to possibly the happiest day of my life.

sex on the beach

1 oz vodka
3/4 oz peach schnapps
cranberry juice
grapefruit juice

:)